The Mind, after You.

    Rencananya setiap bulan pingin uploud sebulan sekali, tapi ternyata menjadi mahasiswa tahun terakhir ini lumayan banyak yang harus dikerjakan, jadii untuk sementara ini, nulis di blognya kalo sesempatnya dulu deh sepertinya. andd yaa di awal tahun 2026 ini, meskipun udah masuk tanggal 2 januari tapi setidaknya masih awal tahun kan yaa... aku pingin berbagi sebuah tulisan puisi atau poetry, meskipun sebenernya aku gatau apakah ini bisa disebut dengan poetry hehe.. karna to be honest akhir-akhir ini aku lagi suka banget baca buku poetry, dan yaap ini aku coba untuk menuliskannya ala tulisan aku sendiri dan hanya untuk menghibur kalian gaiss di awal tahun ini, dengan harapan ada pelajaran yang bisa diambil dari ini meskipun cuman sedikit,, anyway I hope u like it gaiss and enjoyy <3.  

The Mind, after You

Where the Heart learned to be Quiet.

Dokumentasi Pribadi (2024)

***

I always remember two years ago in March,

when we were discussing sports fields.

that was how we started talking after not communicating for a long time.

***

Time and again, I always miss how we started getting to know each other again 

by asking and mentioning each other's names.

***

And I always remember how we met each other for the first time,

with the eye contact game being a silly and awkward thing

that was funny at the time.

***

I still remember how you told me about MJ in the Spider-Man movie.

and that moment you suddenly called me "my MJ."

it actually gave me the feeling of butterflies.

***

I'm not the type of person who sends a message first,

but for you, I don't mind doing it.

***

Waiting is something that I hate,

but I like waiting for news from you,

even if it's just about the song on Instagram notes.

***
What once sounded unfamiliar 

now, without realizing, slowly became mine.

I even memorized the songs in the deluluzz playlist.

***

Of all the words spoken,

the template of words "love you more."

are the ones I like the most from you.

***

For all the wonderful first experiences

in the first 20 years of my life,

I am grateful that you were there

in every phenomenal moment.

***

For my first butterfly era, 

I hope you don't know about

my awkward feelings and my silly smile

for no reason.

***

Not everything has to be said, that's true.

but personally,

I can be myself and be completely open

just with you.

***

Actually, he was the first who say ILY

but he was also the one who ended it.

***

Do you know what I am most grateful for in my twenties right now?

it's meeting you once again,

feeling loved and cared for,

and lastly, it's heartbreak.

***

Still being on your Instagram CF list,

doesn't mean that we're 

as close as we used to be.

***

Since the fourth month of 2025.

the fact that the conversation is still happening 

is probably cause I initiated it.

***

The funny cycle of life,

starting from nothing

becoming friends

then close

becoming lovers

and now just strangers.

***

You know, 

being a stranger 

is the thing that I hate the most.

but your actions show up

that we've reached this point.

***
Even though this was the first time

I opened my heart and

it turned out be my first heartbreak.

***

I never hated you personally,

I just hated the way

you ended us.

***

And I think heartbreak

is something need to be celebrated,

because the heartbreak I feel is proof that 

I once loved, cared for, and cherished

with all of my heart.

***

Now you are no longer there,

in my "folder 100" 

just a fleeting shadow

that helped me grow

even through pain.

***

It would be a lie if I said I didn't miss you even now,
but my heart and my mind always say the opposite.

***

Sometimes my heart misses you so much that it carries

over into my subconscious.

but sometimes my logic says, "why miss someone who doesn't even think about you anymore"

***

However, those memories will always be a part of life,

as will the pain. The pain may fade, but the feeling will never be forgotten.

***

If asked about what lessons I have learned so far,

namely in my early twenties 

I would answer that

you shouldn't get too attached to something or someone

if you can't bear the pain that comes with it.